Confessions of a Failed Pilgrim by Joyce Hopewell

It seemed a good idea at the time, and in truth I was very keen on it. For my 60th birthday we would travel through France and northern Spain on one of the pilgrim routes which lead to Santiago de Compostela, then catch the ferry back to England from Santander. Barry, my husband, had done this as a solo trip 4 years before and his photographs of the sacred and spiritual places he'd visited had inspired me to see them too. We had already travelled part of the route he took through France, as far as the Spanish border; this time we would go all the way. His trip began at Vézelay in Burgundy; mine would begin at Le Puy-en-Velay in the Auvergne. We were to travel in our motorcaravan - our home on wheels - along with our Scottie dog. My 4th House needs would be catered for, together with my Mutable chart shaping/motivation and linear red aspects which like to move on after a few days here, a few days there, in order to see something new. And my 12th House Saturn was quietly drooling at the thought of the spectacular churches, cathedrals and monasteries to be visited along the route. I would follow the path of the pilgrims as my Age Point entered the 11th House and was conjunct Uranus. This was exciting stuff! I would be spiritually uplifted. What could possibly go wrong?

At Le Puy, we pitched by the river at the foot of Saint-Michel d'Aiguihe. This is an impressive volcanic "plug", 82 metres high. On top is the 9th century chapel of St. Michael, a "must" to visit for pilgrims starting the journey to Compostela. On the way to Le Puy I was troubled by sinus problems, aching ears and the labyrinthitis which I get from time to time, and which didn't go away (labyrinthitis is a viral ear infection; the symptoms are feeling nauseous, drunk and dizzy without having touched a drop of alcohol). I was also recovering from osteopathy to correct my mis-aligned pelvis, and had been advised not to make any repetitive movements, like climbing ladders. But energy follows thought, mind triumphs over matter and so it was that my Sun/will won and I carefully climbed the 268 steps to visit the chapel.

The simplicity, peace, energy and very special atmosphere of this ancient chapel made the climb worthwhile, as did the view from the top - my pilgrimage had started! What would I learn from this journey? With Uranus at the portal of the 11th House, what would I discover about it and myself? Would my world be turned upside down, my security challenged, or would I have a sudden and spectacular insight? Heady, scary stuff! Of course, I paid for the climb up the steps and hobbled miserably for days. But I bought a scallop shell - the emblem of pilgrims on the route - and fixed it to the dashboard. I was on my way!

Dominant Learning triangle
Travelling through France was easy. The places we planned to visit were all open. France is more dog-friendly than the UK, so we were able to eat out with dog. The weather improved. My Dominant Learning triangle kicked into action: Mercury together with my DC Moon practised speaking in French at every opportunity…..but I kept pondering on the significance of that upcoming conjunction to Uranus in its position as start and end planet in my direct Learning triangle. The last time my Age Point had met a planet directly was when I was 38, and it was on my Moon. This was when I started to study astrology seriously. *The Hubers say "The ego aligns itself to the trine, which possesses experience, cognition and perspective". I've travelled along the trine from Moon to Uranus ever since, refining and developing my astrological understanding, but now I felt uneasy, unsettled, vaguely apprehensive, and decidedly unwell most of the time. As befits Uranus, my normal feelings of stability and security were under threat.

We travelled across the Pyrenées and into Spain. It was misty, raining and chilly. At the top of the pass we stopped to see the pilgrim chapel at Roncesvalles, but it was locked and all I could do was peep through the windows. I felt sorry for any pilgrims travelling on foot who had trudged to the top of the pass to visit the chapel and take shelter from the rain, only to find it closed.

This somehow set the scene for Spain. Closed churches, chapels and monasteries seemed the norm. True, they were not closed all the time but Spain has very long midday breaks, and arriving somewhere at 2 pm, you may find it closed, not to open again until 4 pm or even later. In the town of Estella, where we arrived at midday for a look round followed by what we hoped would be a leisurely lunch, we had to wait until 7.15 pm for the church and cloisters to open. I have a very red chart and like to be doing something, I get impatient, so kicking my heels waiting around for a pilgrim church to open was definitely not on my agenda! Barry, whose chart has far more blue than mine, took this in his stride, explaining to me that "this is what it's like" on the pilgrim route in Spain. You turn up, and if the church or chapel is locked, then you wait, get a coffee, go for a meal, and eventually get to see what you came there for. So we went to find somewhere to eat. But dog was with us, and Spain is not dog-friendly at all. Dogs are not allowed in restaurants, and no, they would not serve us a meal outside under the umbrellas if we sat there with him - we could only have food if we went inside, dogless. We eventually found a pub that would serve us if we sat outside - bizarrely for this part of Spain, it was an Irish pub…….

Highs, Lows and an Oddity
Over the next few days I began to feel as if Spain was rejecting me, and that I was in the wrong place altogether. There were highs and lows. I witnessed a dog owner being unspeakably cruel to his animal when disciplining him, watched a flock of 12 griffon vultures rise up over a mountain ridge to lazily ride the thermals, was given a impromptu personal guided tour of the Monastery of Irache by the church organist who spoke excellent English, and had my passport number taken on entering the cathedral and museum of Santo Domingo de la Calzada. When I asked why, I was told "in case you steal anything"! In the cathedral, the clothed statue of the Virgin Mary was having her dress changed by the volunteer ladies working there. Being curious, I loitered to watch...discreetly! Seeing beneath the statue's clothing had a Scorpionic/Plutonic and voyeuristic flavour. Below the waist was nothing but a frame in the shape of a long, wide skirt and as her wig was being changed too, the statue was bald.

By now I wanted out of Spain. I felt uncomfortable, insecure and still ill-at-ease. The dog was a handicap. In every town there was an unruly Spanish mutt running loose with no owner in sight, and I didn't relish our dog being challenged in a fight. I was frustrated with finding so many places along the route closed, with waiting for them to open, with knowing that we had to press on and on in order to get to Compostela, and then travel back along the northern coast to catch the boat at Santander. Had we really allowed enough time for all this? Was this what I wanted for a special birthday trip? Trapped in the stress zone before the 11th cusp, and feeling it, I was caring less and less about being a pilgrim and announced that I wanted to change our plans, turn around, go back to France and find a nice spot by the sea to relax in instead. I needed some Fixity!

It was at this point that Barry started acting very strangely. Displaying warning signs of his Mars in Scorpio square Pluto on the AC, he suggested that it would be a good idea to go as far as Burgos, our next stop, and then decide what to do. He has a Fixed chart, likes to stick to what's planned, so I backed down and agreed. We arrived in Burgos, installed the van at a pleasant campsite and walked along the river and into the town. Burgos is on the edge of Spain's high meseta. Although it was brilliantly sunny with fantastically blue skies showing off the intricately carved white stone spires of the cathedral, it was cold. And it was 2 days before my birthday, 2 days before the 11th cusp and 2 days before my eyeball-eyeball with Uranus. By this time I'd given up wondering what it would all be about. I no longer cared. I was grumpy and rather fed up.

Uranian Moment
One of the functions of Uranus is to shock us and shake us out of our present state and into a new way of seeing things, or into a new way of being. Uranus is associated with the principles of Maintenance and Change. Life is maintained on a stable and steady basis, then under the influence of Uranus, things get turned upside down, viewed in new ways and changed, making room for a different and often more creative and positive perspective. A period of adaptation then follows while a new, stable state is established. We feel very safe living at the Saturnian level; when Uranus comes along and stirs things up life can be unsettling and uncomfortable for a while. That's how it was for me - Saturn was being challenged. I wasn't well, was failing as a pilgrim because I couldn't hack it and felt guilty about it, and I wished I was anywhere else but where I was right now.

In Burgos we went into the main square and Barry suggested I stand in front of the cathedral for a photo. As he backed away to take the shot, my Uranian moment arrived. Our two adult children and their partners suddenly materialised in the square, walked towards me, and one after another, hugged me and told me they'd come to join me for my special birthday. Shocked is an understatement - for the first time in my life I experienced being speechless, I cried tears of joy and my legs were wobbly for a good hour! So this was why Barry insisted we carry on to Burgos! This, it transpired, had been planned and plotted for months and was the best birthday present I could ever have imagined in my wildest dreams. This was really what the journey was about, and yes….it was Uranus stuff alright! There were jokes about "not doing this sort of thing too often…..she's getting on a bit now…..better be careful, she can't take the shock!" etc. There was more to come too! I was whisked off to a nearby 5 star hotel where we all stayed for the weekend (yes, even the dog who had been negotiated for).

We travelled around in a large people carrier they had hired at the airport and went to other nearby places on the pilgrim route. It was good to visit these but I felt my personal pilgrimage had ended in Burgos. I didn't need to complete the conventional journey to Compostela because I'd symbolically completed the journey around my Dominant Learning triangle when I had my Uranian experience in Burgos. Even though I didn't enjoy it at the time I can now stand back from this period of my life and understand more about which direction I'm heading in. *The Hubers call the direct Dominant Learning triangle a "Cognition Triangle", saying that "it provides the necessary insight when crises appear". They also say the square aspect of this pattern usually contradicts the theme of the trine, indicating "the direction in which a transformation should take place and where efforts should be made". My Uranus squares Mercury in this aspect pattern, and all now begins to make sense. With my Age Point in Gemini I knew for some time before the trip that I'd like to focus more on writing, which is hard work, and certainly an area of life where not only "efforts should be made", but could be made as I pursue this path.

Becoming 60 was quite a rite of passage with a threshold crossed, a new life phase to live and experience, a journey made and a new one started as I embark on another turn around my Dominant Learning triangle, working with Uranus and Mercury as I explore writing. With those two planets involved, I strongly suspect that astrology might make good subject matter!

* "Aspect Pattern Astrology" by Bruno, Louise and Michael A. Huber. Available from the API Book Shop.

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